不胜愁

都已经开学快一个月了，我还是无法适应环境。人呵，还是那样的冷淡，现在的我就算要找个歇脚的地方都没了。我想念以往那充满午后阳光的天台，那暖暖的夕阳照射在我身上所留下的长长影子，被阳光晒得烫烫的书本笔记，还有远方那红红的穹苍。这一次，我更寂寞了，总是一个人坐在冷冷的空调课室，看着一张张冷冷的表情。我的午后阳光也没了，影子也不疾而终了。留下的是一群群吞云吐雾的人们，正围绕着我的圣地高声喧哗。他们也不时飘来尖锐的眼光，似乎是我污涅了他们的老窝一般，他们的眼神是如此的冷，不断地撕裂着我的自尊。个人倒是觉得自己的眼光更阔了，也更长远了。‘火云邪神是不死的。’这是以位网友对我说过的话，他还对我说只有寂寞才会让邪神遇强更强。其实世人之所以愚昧是因为常被眼前美好的事物所骗，他们害怕真理，宁愿相信美好的事物也不愿意看看身边残酷的现实。越是害怕真理就越得不到安宁，读了墨家思想后才终于发觉自己其实对任何人任何事都看不透，这样的话就比盲人还要更瞎了，任何事都用心眼去看这样就会得到真理。永远都相信感情是一种慢性毒药，它让人产生弱点，甚至会上瘾，跌得太深的话就上不来了，会死人。爱一样事物其实都不必连扯上感情，如果每样事物都加上感情的话，太累了，这就是世间所谓的无奈与烦恼。

狼子野心

昨天我已经开始上课了；老实说我这次更加寂寞了。回到那里去时，竟然有一种很陌生的感觉，其实学校都没变到，还是老样子，但我却觉得很不舒服。老觉得那边的人都用一种很冷的眼光来看待我，这种眼光比任何刀锋都还要锋利，我真的觉得好心寒，仿佛是在对我说：“滚出去，这里不欢迎你。” 我试着和他们交谈，大多数都抱着不理不睬的态度。我比以往更寂寞了，这次我很多朋友都不在我身边，不是失踪就是转学。入学式那天我的确没看到百乐，她应该是没读了吧？其实她的失踪都没有任何一个人提起过，大家就好像从来没认识过这个人一样，我真的好恨这些人！好恨好恨！尤其是阿史提，阿娜和兰。我恨透她们了，这些狼子野心的人，说她们是狼还真是侮辱了狼族。不论有多艰难，我都要忍耐下去，因为我那一组就自剩下尤加和我了。我相信我一定能做得到的，我要让这些人再痛苦一次，就像前两个星期时那样，我想让她们欲哭无泪。今天开始我要效仿狼族，我要以狼道来治她们，就算是天涯海角我也要将她们撕裂，我要撕破她们这些贱人的假面具！就从今天开始！

一路风雨

那天，正为着新学年的开始而开始收拾书籍。假期还过得真快，转眼间又要开学了呢。真想快点回校上课，不过却不大想见到那些我讨厌的人，真的好矛盾。在收拾的时候还发现到一样东西，还真是意外，是我以前的东西。那是几张腊黄的照片，一些旧信，一大箱的承诺和一房间的回忆。我拿起照片细细的回味着，那是2000年的毕业照，几张熟悉的面孔顿时跃了出来，是那麽的鲜明，那麽的令人怀念，仿佛耳际还隐约听见大家的谈笑声。几十封的旧信，都铺上厚厚的一道尘；想着自己当年的天真浪漫，都禁不住嘴角一扬。当时的无忧无虑是无法比拟的，只要大家坐着一块儿，说个冷笑话也会笑得人仰马翻。我慢慢的打开信封，细细的品味着当年我们立下的承诺，你在信中对我说你的考试很难，需要多加温习；又说天气变冷，还问我的家到底有没有下雨。那是你第一年写给我的信。第二年的信则令我印象深刻，你问我年终聚餐到底去不去？而我却给了你一个空白的回答：“很忙。”连续好几年都是同样的借口，结果你也对我疏远了；陆陆续续又读了好多封，读到最后一封时，我脑子开始有点空白，那是我最不愿看下去的一封信。信中，你对我说你永远都不会再跟我来信，因为你已经有了对象，叫我不要再打扰你。我的记忆一下子都回来了，都回来了，这永远的挥别，一别就是九年。你是否还会认得我吗？如果有一天在街上碰面，我还会认得你吗？毕业那一天你泪眼盈眶的叫我要保持联络，而且还紧紧的握着我的手，说你会很想念我，一定要记得你。那一天我到底还答应了你什麽？我都忘了，都模糊了......
照片里，我拥着你比了个胜利的手势。那一年，我们都笑得好灿烂。

那夜，我捧着那几封信，和几张贺卡坐在靠窗的地方；看着外面的街灯和下了一晚的倾盆大雨。和你的距离，感觉靠得很近，却又那麽的遥远。冷风把我吹得直颤抖，看着散落一地的旧物件，我开始茫然了。却意外的发现到我手上的小册子里，竟然有着这麽一行字：“亲爱的，如果失去一个朋友是一种幸福的话，那麽，我便是这世上最幸福的人。” 我当时是以什麽心情去写的呢？我不懂。我只知道这行字，字字刺骨，句句冷冰。我应该是在那时候开始变的吧？开始变得不近人情，变得疯疯癫癫的。缘份是一种唯妙的东西，它想把你绑住的话，打风也打不掉的。如果它不来找你，你也不得强求。那夜，虽然回忆起许多陈年往事，但是那一晚我却睡得很熟，很香，很甜......梦里，我们应该还是有相会的可能，对吧？

化蝶梦

已经好久都没再写华语的部落格了, 还真觉得有点遗憾啊~~ 不是我不想写, 而是很多华文的读者都不争气, 没来捧场；倒是英文读者都来了，我还好意思让他们失望吗？我还倒不如写英文算了，反正写华语都没人看的。如果你们认为我讲错的话可以反驳，不过我看也是不会有人反驳的，反正这里早就成了聋哑部落格了。我也不想再多说，再说就要骂粗口了。

转回正题吧，前几天成绩总算出炉了，还记得那天在青蛙的家上网查成绩时，那颗心可是扑通扑通的在跳呢！可恶的死青蛙！竟然跟我打错编号！还我还白紧张了一小时。之后总算开启了网页，我还真不敢相信我的眼睛，我竟然安全通过！哇！！！我们都叫得好大声，接着high 5啦，拥抱啦，大喊啦。。。真的好棒，这应该就是所谓的青春吧。好久都没这样过了，最后一次是在A-Level 时呢。之后当然是一连串的庆祝会，真的好棒，我真的没想到自己居然这样幸运，努力到快疯了，应该都有成果吧。但是我相信在我高兴的当儿应该有人在愤怒吧。。。特别是那些讨厌我的狗杂种和死八婆，它们现在一定很痛苦吧，因为我 “得道” 了啊，这些妖魔就惨咯，它们将会被自己的仇恨心和妒嫉心给折磨到半死吧，哈哈！！活该！！这些贱人应该痛苦得要死吧？真爽啊。。。那我教你们怎样杜绝痛苦，那就是如果觉得痛苦到要死的话，就去死吧，免得为祸人间！！！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！！笨！！

The Wolf's Ideology (狼道）

Wolf, a noun that influenced me a lot since im a kid. I started to learn this word when i was still in kindergarten. I still remembered the day when the teacher taught us alphabetical orders......A for apple, B for boy, C for cat......later on, W for WOLF......this is the first time i get contacted with the word "wolf". What is wolf? when i expressed my curiosity to my parents, they took out a book with many pictures and started to explain to me what is a wolf. As they said, we usually called wolves, because this kind of animal usually lived in pack; then they further explained to me that wolf is culculative, smart, fierce and cold animal. Although they are not absolute predator but they are smart in such a way that they lived strong, they are the absolute survivor, they won't die easily. This animals had influenced me once again when i read an article about the wolf ideology in a bookstore. That article was interesting, and i have fell in love with this animal, started to learn from them. Like what i had said in the last post, life is difficult. So if i wanted to depict society as a jungle, then we human being will be depicted as animals which lived in this huge jungle. As we know that jungle is full of predator, then we must be cautious with our own situation, everybody want to survive, who wished to die? im not trying to become an absolute predator, because this will hasten my death. Instead, i learned to become a wolf, an absolute survivor. Not just that to work hard, but to work smart as well, we could not attacked a tiger directly, but we could give him a fatal blow from behind. We could not work blazing fast like a lion, but we could earn some food by following the lion, we could eat the left over that the lion had lefted. Who am i ? and what is my final desire? what im capable to do now is planning, with a good planning i could defeat a lion easily, i would tried to become smarter than the lion and the tiger. I would become their friend before they become my enemy, i would endure and concentrate so that i would not lost myself. because i believed that one day i could defeat all those useless animals and become the king of the jungle. Those animals that only know how to show their strength would died easily , because they lacked of intelligence and most importantly, they need a good survivor skill......your strength is limited when you are alone, while alliance would make us strong, and strong......

along the path of destiny

This is the first time that i write a post in English, i think it is fair enough to do so since most of my readers are English educated. About a month ago, when i still struggling for my final exam, i was stressed; i was worried and i was desperate. We all required to write about 4 pages of answer sheets in order to passed the exam, i was desperate. i still remember the first day when i went to the examination centre , it was a nightmare. All people were looking at me coldly, as if i was a freak out there; darn it! there is always difficulties in life, i am not surprise by it. i am giving out my 101% to the exam.

i found that im not so suitable for the present school, i could not fit myself properly. The problem that i faced is that people always tends to judge a person through their apperance. i was not that kind of person that like to mix around, im not good in hiding myself, maybe this is the attitude that required to have in this modern era. i admit that im not a modern person, im more to clssical type, or maybe i should have said that im more to eastern style (of course im more to eastern, im proud to be an easterner!). My overview in last year: a terrible year . Ay, i do not wished to remembrance anymore, the lecturers are nice, but the students are totally sucks; i don really have a life in last year. i hated those bitches and bastards, they are all borned actor/actress, im thinking that if im the producer of hollywood, those people will become the best candidates for me. Now i will figure out how those demons had actually treated me (forget about the angel part, there have no angel). firstly, for the first few months when i joined this "hell school", we have little problems with each other, just some sorts of crossed opinion. Later on, this particular demon had actually posted my photo and particular online and started to criticise me.

Oh Lord Buddha! spare me! why do i destined to went through this threachery? i was helpless, i was still fresh at that time, and i suffered a lot; this demon is wicked, this is the first "present" that the school have given to me, and i actually appreciated that! and later on a series of penalised and condemnination events begins. i will never forget those ugly faces. i did believed in karma, this is life! an inevitable reality that we need to face. However, it is depends on our own perspective. sometimes, we need to learn from experience, because it makes us strong, and become more wiser than ever.

将军令

昨天青蛙在下午时段突然打电话来我家，还真是奇迹。说是有事想来找我，就敷衍着答应了。不久后，我开始后悔了；我应该是要找工的呀，干嘛还答应人家？没想到这一答应倒是成了我的恶梦。我的恶梦一直延伸到晚上。我惨！

本来就只答应去放乌龟而已，哪知道突然友人又说等下有去戏院看电影。我和青蛙相视了一会，也答应了。反正只是看电影嘛。到了那儿后才惊觉还有三位友人的朋友（简称陌生人）也一道去了。我倒是无所谓，反正也是人嘛。不过怪就怪在都说英文的，我好似在外国一样。这不是在马来西亚吗？干嘛我老觉得我是在美国？我想起吴克群的《将军令》开始吃吃的笑。不过十分钟，我开始呐闷了，我不经心的东张西望，玩味的看着一个接一个陌生的背影。我都说方言，坚决不肯说英文。不过他们好似听不懂我的语言（也是他们的语言），这下可好了咱们可都成了秀才和兵，谁也听不进谁的了。他们应该会以为我很低级吧，老是在说方言。不是我不懂得英文，我倒是觉得没那个必要去特地将自己西方化；英文书早就读到想吐了。就算怎麽弄都好，永远也是黑眼睛，黑头发，黄皮肤，变不了的。

不过我看得出青蛙很卖力的在展示他自己的英文，几里古鲁的说了一大堆废话，弄得我毛骨悚然。我跟他们实在是无话可说，因为他们都是在炫耀，我承认我没有那种本事；都是一堆塑胶人，没甚麽文化的。这种强烈的对比一直延续到晚上。我对着这群塑胶人，差点闷倒在他们面前。自认是没那种把持能力，还是一切随缘吧。