化蝶梦

已经好久都没再写华语的部落格了, 还真觉得有点遗憾啊~~ 不是我不想写, 而是很多华文的读者都不争气, 没来捧场；倒是英文读者都来了，我还好意思让他们失望吗？我还倒不如写英文算了，反正写华语都没人看的。如果你们认为我讲错的话可以反驳，不过我看也是不会有人反驳的，反正这里早就成了聋哑部落格了。我也不想再多说，再说就要骂粗口了。

转回正题吧，前几天成绩总算出炉了，还记得那天在青蛙的家上网查成绩时，那颗心可是扑通扑通的在跳呢！可恶的死青蛙！竟然跟我打错编号！还我还白紧张了一小时。之后总算开启了网页，我还真不敢相信我的眼睛，我竟然安全通过！哇！！！我们都叫得好大声，接着high 5啦，拥抱啦，大喊啦。。。真的好棒，这应该就是所谓的青春吧。好久都没这样过了，最后一次是在A-Level 时呢。之后当然是一连串的庆祝会，真的好棒，我真的没想到自己居然这样幸运，努力到快疯了，应该都有成果吧。但是我相信在我高兴的当儿应该有人在愤怒吧。。。特别是那些讨厌我的狗杂种和死八婆，它们现在一定很痛苦吧，因为我 “得道” 了啊，这些妖魔就惨咯，它们将会被自己的仇恨心和妒嫉心给折磨到半死吧，哈哈！！活该！！这些贱人应该痛苦得要死吧？真爽啊。。。那我教你们怎样杜绝痛苦，那就是如果觉得痛苦到要死的话，就去死吧，免得为祸人间！！！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！！！笨！！

The Wolf's Ideology (狼道）

Wolf, a noun that influenced me a lot since im a kid. I started to learn this word when i was still in kindergarten. I still remembered the day when the teacher taught us alphabetical orders......A for apple, B for boy, C for cat......later on, W for WOLF......this is the first time i get contacted with the word "wolf". What is wolf? when i expressed my curiosity to my parents, they took out a book with many pictures and started to explain to me what is a wolf. As they said, we usually called wolves, because this kind of animal usually lived in pack; then they further explained to me that wolf is culculative, smart, fierce and cold animal. Although they are not absolute predator but they are smart in such a way that they lived strong, they are the absolute survivor, they won't die easily. This animals had influenced me once again when i read an article about the wolf ideology in a bookstore. That article was interesting, and i have fell in love with this animal, started to learn from them. Like what i had said in the last post, life is difficult. So if i wanted to depict society as a jungle, then we human being will be depicted as animals which lived in this huge jungle. As we know that jungle is full of predator, then we must be cautious with our own situation, everybody want to survive, who wished to die? im not trying to become an absolute predator, because this will hasten my death. Instead, i learned to become a wolf, an absolute survivor. Not just that to work hard, but to work smart as well, we could not attacked a tiger directly, but we could give him a fatal blow from behind. We could not work blazing fast like a lion, but we could earn some food by following the lion, we could eat the left over that the lion had lefted. Who am i ? and what is my final desire? what im capable to do now is planning, with a good planning i could defeat a lion easily, i would tried to become smarter than the lion and the tiger. I would become their friend before they become my enemy, i would endure and concentrate so that i would not lost myself. because i believed that one day i could defeat all those useless animals and become the king of the jungle. Those animals that only know how to show their strength would died easily , because they lacked of intelligence and most importantly, they need a good survivor skill......your strength is limited when you are alone, while alliance would make us strong, and strong......

along the path of destiny

This is the first time that i write a post in English, i think it is fair enough to do so since most of my readers are English educated. About a month ago, when i still struggling for my final exam, i was stressed; i was worried and i was desperate. We all required to write about 4 pages of answer sheets in order to passed the exam, i was desperate. i still remember the first day when i went to the examination centre , it was a nightmare. All people were looking at me coldly, as if i was a freak out there; darn it! there is always difficulties in life, i am not surprise by it. i am giving out my 101% to the exam.

i found that im not so suitable for the present school, i could not fit myself properly. The problem that i faced is that people always tends to judge a person through their apperance. i was not that kind of person that like to mix around, im not good in hiding myself, maybe this is the attitude that required to have in this modern era. i admit that im not a modern person, im more to clssical type, or maybe i should have said that im more to eastern style (of course im more to eastern, im proud to be an easterner!). My overview in last year: a terrible year . Ay, i do not wished to remembrance anymore, the lecturers are nice, but the students are totally sucks; i don really have a life in last year. i hated those bitches and bastards, they are all borned actor/actress, im thinking that if im the producer of hollywood, those people will become the best candidates for me. Now i will figure out how those demons had actually treated me (forget about the angel part, there have no angel). firstly, for the first few months when i joined this "hell school", we have little problems with each other, just some sorts of crossed opinion. Later on, this particular demon had actually posted my photo and particular online and started to criticise me.

Oh Lord Buddha! spare me! why do i destined to went through this threachery? i was helpless, i was still fresh at that time, and i suffered a lot; this demon is wicked, this is the first "present" that the school have given to me, and i actually appreciated that! and later on a series of penalised and condemnination events begins. i will never forget those ugly faces. i did believed in karma, this is life! an inevitable reality that we need to face. However, it is depends on our own perspective. sometimes, we need to learn from experience, because it makes us strong, and become more wiser than ever.

将军令

昨天青蛙在下午时段突然打电话来我家，还真是奇迹。说是有事想来找我，就敷衍着答应了。不久后，我开始后悔了；我应该是要找工的呀，干嘛还答应人家？没想到这一答应倒是成了我的恶梦。我的恶梦一直延伸到晚上。我惨！

本来就只答应去放乌龟而已，哪知道突然友人又说等下有去戏院看电影。我和青蛙相视了一会，也答应了。反正只是看电影嘛。到了那儿后才惊觉还有三位友人的朋友（简称陌生人）也一道去了。我倒是无所谓，反正也是人嘛。不过怪就怪在都说英文的，我好似在外国一样。这不是在马来西亚吗？干嘛我老觉得我是在美国？我想起吴克群的《将军令》开始吃吃的笑。不过十分钟，我开始呐闷了，我不经心的东张西望，玩味的看着一个接一个陌生的背影。我都说方言，坚决不肯说英文。不过他们好似听不懂我的语言（也是他们的语言），这下可好了咱们可都成了秀才和兵，谁也听不进谁的了。他们应该会以为我很低级吧，老是在说方言。不是我不懂得英文，我倒是觉得没那个必要去特地将自己西方化；英文书早就读到想吐了。就算怎麽弄都好，永远也是黑眼睛，黑头发，黄皮肤，变不了的。

不过我看得出青蛙很卖力的在展示他自己的英文，几里古鲁的说了一大堆废话，弄得我毛骨悚然。我跟他们实在是无话可说，因为他们都是在炫耀，我承认我没有那种本事；都是一堆塑胶人，没甚麽文化的。这种强烈的对比一直延续到晚上。我对着这群塑胶人，差点闷倒在他们面前。自认是没那种把持能力，还是一切随缘吧。

人生如梦

人生如梦，来也匆匆，去也匆匆。当我在两天前接到婆婆逝世的消息，整个人的心都碎了。原以为在大考完了之后打算悠悠闲闲的过日子，哪知道恶耗就这样冲着我来了。我来到婆婆的床前，看到所有人都哭了，阿姑对我说婆婆临终前勇敢的对抗病魔，为的就是看着我们毕业；成家；立业；组织家庭等。她其实只希望自己能有多一些时间陪伴我们。她用她那脆弱的身躯抵抗痛苦，掘强的忍受着折磨为的就是看我们最后一眼；但是，她忍着到了极限，脆弱的身躯再也挨不住了，终于离开了我们。我倒在她的床前，无力的抚摸着她那冰冷的手，眼泪还是不争气的流了下来。好多年都没哭过的缘故吧，我的眼泪像决堤一般；倾泄。。。一发不可收拾。光是想着她痛苦挣扎的过程，与命运比斗的过程；就觉得心好痛。。。好痛。人世间所悲伤的事莫过于此。是否有着太多的牵挂呢？还是迷恋红尘太久？

我才刚领悟到人生苦短。来匆匆，去匆匆；如痴如梦，如醉如醒。红尘是苦的，苦是因为有着太多的感情牵绊，以至留恋红尘。就这样，佛教开始融入了我的生活，婆婆的离开给了我们认识佛教的机缘。我们从吃素，发愿，到诵经，开始认识佛陀的教导。为了让婆婆能够往生极乐，我们都将我们的爱与关怀都通过吃素，发愿，到诵经献给了她。我们口诵 “阿弥陀佛” 为的就是让婆婆放下红尘的种种，无牵无挂的离我们而去。因为她将她最大的爱献给了我们，于是我们就通过另一种方式回报我们的关怀。书中常说：“万般带不走，罪业满身随”。只希望她不要再迷恋红尘，希望她能脱离轮回之苦，早日往生极乐世界。

希望所有佛友能以至爱的方式口诵一句 “阿弥陀佛” 并回向于婆婆，让她早日往生极乐。阿弥陀佛！

疯言疯语

考试就像一个沉重的包袱重重的压在我的肩上，真的好重；都快喘不过气来了。不够睡的缘故，我的手一直抖个不停；吃午饭时，我那舀汤的手一直莫名的在抖个不停。应该是极限了吧？我不断的问我自己：“我到底还能撑多久？” 心里深处的那把声音一直在提醒我被嘲笑的那段日子，值得吗？努力到今天就是要给那些人一点颜色看？还是要封住那些人的口？我的头好痛，脚步浮沉，两手颤抖，可是我不能停！！努力着要让手不再颤抖为的就是要争那一口气！！就那一口让人生不如死的一口气！！我夜夜失眠脑子里都是那些人的鬼影在烦着我。我讨厌看到它们，它们是鬼魅不如的东西！！它们是狗娘养的狗杂种！！它们是财狼虎豹！！它们是天生的贱货！！想到这里手就抖得更厉害了。看看镜子里的自己，苍白如纸，面无血色，两眼无神。我真的能撑到考试吗？谁又能给我力量和勇气去面对？一个人撑一条船在苦海里漫无目地的走是最苦的。苦海无边际，何日成般若？

粉红天

昨夜，放学之后就被朋友拉去时代广场；说是想去那儿散散心~~虽然很累，还是爽快的答应了。但是，去到那儿点早就打烊了；没办法之余就找个露天咖啡座聊天。雨，一直下个不停，停了又下，下了又停。还真是让人心烦。我呆呆的望着夜空，一颗星儿也没发现，整座城市都被笼照在一片大雨之中。风，急急的向我吹来，让我不禁打了个寒颤。一直到雨势小了之后，又急急忙忙的赶往青蛙的家。车，一路的飞驰，只求在大雨来袭之前到达。

聊过了天，等意兴澜珊之后，望一望表已是零晨一点。才刚上车，雨势开始大了起来。起初还以为是普通的大雨，哪知道它一点都不普通；上了大路，雨势越加强大，伴着雷声。此时，前面的挡风玻璃已经开始模糊了，我只记得雨势大得可怕，就连路灯也看不清了，看到许许多多的车都打了信号灯停在一旁了。我开始傍徨了，我不晓得接下来会发生什麽可怕的事，我只知道当时的我正以时速80在高速公路飞驰！！！是在飞驰啊！！！而且还是下着豪雨！！公路都积满了水，随时都会有危险，我不能放慢速度，因为我太过害怕车子会浸水。最后那一段路，是我长这麽大以来觉得最可怖的。雨势和风势又加强了，密密麻麻的雨珠拍打在挡风玻璃上。而这一次，我真的害怕了，彻彻底底的害怕。我可以感觉到我的心跳声和急促的呼吸，整个人透不过气了，手心都冒汗了，我两只手紧紧的贴着方向盘，心想着这次完蛋了。映入眼帘的是天气的斯吼，不知怎样的我的前方忽的变成一片粉红，是粉红色！！我再也看不到前方了！！！隆隆的雷声令我觉得寒颤，我仿佛是一只失去方向的船，在风暴中飘荡。那一段路程几乎是蒙着眼睛走过的。但终究还是到家了。

进到家里，我喘着气无力的坐在椅子上，看着阿紫和阿邪，忽的又一声雷响，两只蟹都怕得钻进壳内。特别是阿紫，怕得钻进沙子里去了。我不得不承认，昨夜的那场雨确实可怕，我越是相信冥冥中自有神灵保佑，要不然后果是不堪设想的。